JOKES

The bag boy volunteers to help load groceries into your car - in the “ten items or less” lane.

You’ve stopped supporting your children, and started supporting your parents.

You’ve found yourself discussing rain gutters.

You remember your kids' names, just not always the right one.

You have nightmares about forgetting to move the rubbish bins to the street for the rubbish collector.

You buy “age-defying” makeup and “antiwrinkle” creams and believe they work.

You recognise Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator Muzak.

As a public service, you have agreed to never appear on the beach in Speedos again.

You’ve had three opportunities to buy every single Disney Animated Classic - “for the last time in a generation.”

You’d pay good money to be strip-searched.

The only way you know to stop a virtual pet from beeping involves the patio and a sledgehammer.

You can pack two suits, five shirts, five ties, five pairs of underwear, five pairs of socks, a pair of shoes, and half of your bathroom into a carry-on bag - in less than five minutes.

You know what Earth Shoes are.

You think if you hear “Stairway to Heaven” one more time, your head will explode.

Your weight-lifting programme seems to have no effect on your muscles but the veins on the backs of your hands are bulking up quite nicely.

On Saturday night, when your wife mentions, “Hot oil, a little friction, and squealing,” you tell her you’ll have the car looked at first thing Monday morning.

JOKE: Essay By Johnny

SAY WHAT? Stupid Quotes