Rites of Passage
“By the time a man realises that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” Charles Wadsworth, Pianist
Father and son relationships change over time. A father must, at some point, allow roles to be reversed, to be cared for by his son, or even told that he is wrong. It’s an essential rite of passage for the son as he matures into a man.
This happened for me in the space of one day. I was driving back from a skiing holiday not long after I’d got my driver licence. My father broke his leg when he fell down a slippery slope, so it fell to me to get us home. Being on the open road felt great, driving deep into the turns, using both lanes to smooth out the corners. Then he said, “Don’t cross the centre line.” I replied, “But you do it all the time.” There was silence after that. I guess he knew I was right.
Joy
“When a father gives to his son, both laugh; when a son gives to his father, both cry.” William Shakespeare, Pretty famous writer
One of the true joys of fatherhood is how it gives back further down the track, sort of like a karma investment plan. If you make plenty of early deposits, it pays huge dividends.
To watch a child grow, learn to walk, talk, perform complex mathematical equations, climb mountains, or earn as much money as Brad Pitt (so you can retire in luxury) – gives a father indescribable joy.
Well, maybe not all these things. You might not be into mountain climbing or maths.
Just take a look down the sideline of a Saturday morning sports game and watch out for the father whose son scores a goal or a try. The look on his face will tell it all.
Sorrow
“My children hate me being such a big star. It’s very hard for them to have a father who is always in the public eye.” Brian May, Rock Guitarist (Queen)
Fatherhood has one major downside – the intense desire to nurture and protect a child at whatever the cost. It’s a bit like being one of the American President’s personal bodyguards, trained to take the assassin’s bullet with no regard for your own life. But unlike an FBI agent, a good father knows he must let his child walk into the unknown and take risks, to bump his head, to stumble and fall.
It is a burden both father and child must share when these hurts come, for both feel the pain.
The hard lesson to learn is that it isn’t always possible to protect a child when they are wronged and as time progresses, it becomes less our place to intervene.
This hurts – hurts hard – and the rage we feel in defence of our offspring can be fierce enough to blur the social boundaries we are charged to impart.
However, the most important thing to remember is that we must be there when a child falls, to scoop them in your arms, and to tell them everything will be all right. That’s our job.
Leaving a Legacy
“No, I am your father... Together, we will rule the universe, as father and son.” Darth Vader, The Empire Strikes Back
Maybe you could say it’s just part of our genetic code but most men with a desire to have children will generally want to have a son, maybe not at first, but eventually – at least one.
The bond between father and son goes deeper than we give it credit for. A son represents another man to lead the tribe, who will carry the family name and bear more sons with that name, and ultimately, give his father immortality.
Father’s Day
“It doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.” Anne Sexton, Writer
And of course, on the first Sunday every September, we pause to celebrate fatherhood, and to honour and commemorate our fathers and forefathers.
No man is perfect, but if you are lucky enough to have one man in your life who has earned the right to be called “dad,” then he’s done his job well.
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